I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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