I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
