Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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