i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize