i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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