i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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