my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nutella sex= disaster
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
