Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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