I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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