mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
