Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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