So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
40s are totally the cure
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
