If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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