Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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