At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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