You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
