If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize