If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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