Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
