was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
two words...techno handjob
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
