Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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