dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
