I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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