We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
