Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
