please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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