john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
