I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
