Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
