please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
