Having a random hookup so left but love u
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
