thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
