I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
