This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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