as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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