Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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