I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
