So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
