he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
