my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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