I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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