So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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