with your own penis?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
