The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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