Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
