i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
