You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
