OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
