My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this just has baby written all over it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
