Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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