That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
