Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize