she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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