Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I believe in your delicious
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
