this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
