Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
