I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
