i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
