I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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