so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
