please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize