Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
