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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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