I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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