i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
