I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
