Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
