dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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