What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
