2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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