"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
