I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
