im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
3pm strippers are depressing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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